So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
