No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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