Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
