Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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