im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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