Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
