Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
