Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we're making bets on your personal life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
