Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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