dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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