Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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