Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
