i already hear my dad disowning me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
