he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
