Yo dont text me then not text me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
