you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
