This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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