I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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