My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
