dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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