last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
