and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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