im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
