alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
