Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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