I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
