Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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