escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
