remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
