she pinky promised me she was 18
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
