forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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