i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
