I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
