I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
