with your own penis?
actually, I'm a sock model
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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