my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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