im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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