Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
