the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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