apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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