that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
