Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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