you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
