it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
