As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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