you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
