I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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