i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
