My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it was like eating out sand paper
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
