Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
