So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What a dumb baby whore.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize