He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
