His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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