even my farts smell like vagina
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
