I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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