Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We are all done wearing pants today
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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