bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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