Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
