A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
