The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
