is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wear drunk well.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
