is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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