Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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