I wanna passion pit in your ass
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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