Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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