YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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