So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
