she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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