Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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