Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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