Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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