Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
