Tell her she can't have a vagina
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
