careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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