Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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