Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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